This year was supposed to be different. I was supposed to be celebrating new adventures, particularly the announcement of a ring on my finger.
It was going to happen for Christmas. He had mentioned the ring several times and I had been on the verge of a panic attack at least a few of those times, especially after visiting the ring store with a man for the first time in my life.
He would propose. I would say yes. We would announce it to our family and friends… and to Facebook too.
As 2013 begins I’m supposed to be finding the wedding dress, picking out the colors, tasting variations of cakes, booking the church, and planning the honeymoon.
But I’m not.
As Thanksgiving passed and Christmas approached, I realized something. I was settling. I was settling for less than what God had planned for me. I was simply accepting that I had “finally” found someone and that sooner or later it would turn out right. I was wrong.
Everyone loves him. They’re all practically married to him already. My friends have already started planning the wedding. Never mind that we’ve only been together 4 ½ months. Maybe something’s wrong with me. My parents adore him. I can’t break my mom’s heart. What if I never find someone else?
These were the thoughts that plagued me as I contemplated whether or not this was the man I was supposed to be with. I had convinced myself the problem was me—my hormones were just wacky and things would get better.
Then after several days of tears, journaling, and prayers, I realized it wasn’t me. God finally gave me a clear picture that I wasn’t to move forward in the relationship. Through my fears of being alone, He reminded me that He would never leave me or forsake me. If I settled for something less than what He had planned for me, I was in direct disobedience to Him and the last thing I wanted to do on purpose is break the heart of the only one who will truly never leave me.
Three days later I broke the news to him. I instantly felt free. The burden was gone – the weight lifted off my shoulders. I knew I had made the right decision, no matter how hard it was.
My emotions go back and forth from wondering if I’ll ever find someone, to trusting that regardless, God’s got this thing. There will still be adventures in 2013. Big, God-sized adventures that will leave me hungering for more. I can’t wait, really.
There’s no ring on my finger. Perhaps there is a wedding dress in my future, maybe there isn’t. But hey, I can still eat cake, right?
I’m reminded as I go through this process of change that God is still in control and He always does a better job of being in control than I do.
Where in your life are you settling for less than God’s best?
Photo credit: acjetter
