At dinner one night recently, I sat and listened as a guy friend of mine got grilled by several married women as to why he is not in a relationship. The questions had undertones of fear of commitment and probed into what might’ve happened in previous relationships that could be keeping him from pursuing a girl. After freely admitting that both of those things could be probable causes, he paused as he tried to explain his other feelings about singleness. I watched him squirm under the spotlight for a minute, and then it was time for me to head into battle with him before gunfire erupted everywhere and he was left bleeding on the field.
Here’s what I told them:
“The longer I’m single, the more I come to terms with it, and I don’t see it as such a bad thing. I mean, my life is pretty good. I daresay my life is really good. And, yes, while I’d still like to have a husband to walk through the rest of it with, I’m not desperate, and I’m not settling. None of this comes from a place of damage or hurt either. It’s just going to take an exceptional relationship to top what I’ve got going on over here, and so far, there’s been nothing that remotely compares, let alone deserves my time and commitment.”
My friend sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and nodded in approval as if to signal the end of the conversation.
So often we focus on the struggles that accompany singleness. Lord knows there are a ton of them. But can we put those aside for just a few minutes and discuss the greatness of singleness? My dear friend Linda and I keep a running list of all of the reasons we kinda like the single life. Sometimes it helps us cope, but truly, we enjoy our lives. We try not to sit around wishing them away for some future that might not even happen.
I know there’s a tendency for married people to label single adults as “selfish,” and I agree that we have to proceed with caution, but let’s just bask in the glow of our singleness for a second. If I could’ve listed these things for my married friends I would have, but then I didn’t want them to envy my singleness too much. Instead, I’m choosing to take the passive-aggressive route and write a blog post.
Here are the top 7 reasons I love being single:
1. Calendar :: It takes me all of 2.5 seconds to check my calendar, depending on whether or not my phone is running slowly. I have a social calendar and a work calendar, but they’re all managed by 1 person: me. When I ask my married friends to do something, they always have to check with the hubs and a grand total of about 4-5 calendars managed by at least 2 people. Sometimes it can take days for them to plan a get-together. As a single adult, I’m always ready to pull the trigger provided that I’m available. And, chances are, if you don’t book me far enough in advance, I’m not.
2. Travel :: I fully realize that married people travel, but the expense can be greater and the vacation time harder to coordinate. Not to mention that if children are involved, the destination must be child-friendly and family disagreements invariably ensue. As a single adult, I don’t have to visit theme parks, water parks, or the M&M store in NYC unless I’m all out of vacation spots. And, when I run out, I’ll still have a cruise to take.
3. Transportation :: I don’t have to convince myself or my husband that it is time to invest in a Swagger Wagon. I can still boldly profess that I’ll never be a minivan mom, and I don’t have to go back on my word anytime soon
like they did. Plus, I don’t have to worry about Cheerios all over the floorboard, spilled milk, or removing car seats before going on a shopping trip with the girls. We can just get in my car and go. Except my car can’t hold as much loot as the Swagger Wagon. Details. Moving on…
4. Laundry :: No one’s counting on me to keep everyone in clean clothes, so my laundry basket can stay full of dirty clothes on the closet floor while my dryer stores the clean ones. Not to mention that no one is around to notice if I’m wearing Granny panties instead of their favorite pair of underwear.
5. Dining Out :: I don’t have to concern myself with kid-friendly atmospheres or picky eaters. I can make reservations after everyone’s bedtime, and I only have to budget for one mouth to feed. I don’t have to remind anyone to use his/her inside voice a million times while trying to carry on an adult conversation, and I only have to share my food if it’s so good that I think everyone at the table needs to try it before dying.
6. Family :: I don’t have in-laws. And, while perfectly wonderful in-laws exist, right now I don’t have to gamble that I might get some of the legendarily bad ones. I can enjoy the peace and harmony of my own dysfunctional family over the holidays. You know, where I can yell and throw a fit if necessary and everyone still loves me the next day because I’m theirs and have always been theirs and they get my random outbursts because they have them too? Yeah, them.
7. Hobbies :: As a single female, I don’t have to concern myself with whether or not I have room in my life for my husband’s deep appreciation for wrestling, NASCAR, sci-fi, hunting, heavy metal concerts, woodworking, or bird watching. It’s just me and my addictions to Young Adult television/books, dishes, handbags, and hostessing parties in my home. There’s no need to mesh anything. Good thing, since there certainly isn’t enough wall space for deer heads, DVR space for UFC fights, or…life space for NASCAR.
Now, hear me clearly, I am no marriage hater. I can’t wait to love on some messy kids, to have arguments about putting down the toilet seat, or to endure the disapproving glare of a judgmental mother-in-law because those things represent the fruition of some of the deepest longings of my heart.
Obviously, the 7 things I listed above were meant to be humorous because, well, sometimes it’s good to be reminded of the silver lining of our perceived clouds…
What do you love about being single? Leave your reasons in the comment section!
*Photo credit: MSVG