7 Reasons I Love Being Single

At dinner one night recently, I sat and listened as a guy friend of mine got grilled by several married women as to why he is not in a relationship. The questions had undertones of fear of commitment and probed into what might’ve happened in previous relationships that could be keeping him from pursuing a girl. After freely admitting that both of those things could be probable causes, he paused as he tried to explain his other feelings about singleness. I watched him squirm under the spotlight for a minute, and then it was time for me to head into battle with him before gunfire erupted everywhere and he was left bleeding on the field.

7 Reasons I Love Being Single

Here’s what I told them:

“The longer I’m single, the more I come to terms with it, and I don’t see it as such a bad thing. I mean, my life is pretty good. I daresay my life is really good. And, yes, while I’d still like to have a husband to walk through the rest of it with, I’m not desperate, and I’m not settling. None of this comes from a place of damage or hurt either. It’s just going to take an exceptional relationship to top what I’ve got going on over here, and so far, there’s been nothing that remotely compares, let alone deserves my time and commitment.”

My friend sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and nodded in approval as if to signal the end of the conversation. Burn.

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So often we focus on the struggles that accompany singleness. Lord knows there are a ton of them. But can we put those aside for just a few minutes and discuss the greatness of singleness? My dear friend Linda and I keep a running list of all of the reasons we kinda like the single life. Sometimes it helps us cope, but truly, we enjoy our lives. We try not to sit around wishing them away for some future that might not even happen.

I know there’s a tendency for married people to label single adults as “selfish,” and I agree that we have to proceed with caution, but let’s just bask in the glow of our singleness for a second. If I could’ve listed these things for my married friends I would have, but then I didn’t want them to envy my singleness too much. Instead, I’m choosing to take the passive-aggressive route and write a blog post.

Here are the top 7 reasons I love being single:

1. Calendar :: It takes me all of 2.5 seconds to check my calendar, depending on whether or not my phone is running slowly. I have a social calendar and a work calendar, but they’re all managed by 1 person: me. When I ask my married friends to do something, they always have to check with the hubs and a grand total of about 4-5 calendars managed by at least 2 people. Sometimes it can take days for them to plan a get-together. As a single adult, I’m always ready to pull the trigger provided that I’m available. And, chances are, if you don’t book me far enough in advance, I’m not.

2. Travel :: I fully realize that married people travel, but the expense can be greater and the vacation time harder to coordinate. Not to mention that if children are involved, the destination must be child-friendly and family disagreements invariably ensue. As a single adult, I don’t have to visit theme parks, water parks, or the M&M store in NYC unless I’m all out of vacation spots. And, when I run out, I’ll still have a cruise to take.

3. Transportation :: I don’t have to convince myself or my husband that it is time to invest in a Swagger Wagon. I can still boldly profess that I’ll never be a minivan mom, and I don’t have to go back on my word anytime soon like they did. Plus, I don’t have to worry about Cheerios all over the floorboard, spilled milk, or removing car seats before going on a shopping trip with the girls. We can just get in my car and go. Except my car can’t hold as much loot as the Swagger Wagon. Details. Moving on…

4. Laundry :: No one’s counting on me to keep everyone in clean clothes, so my laundry basket can stay full of dirty clothes on the closet floor while my dryer stores the clean ones. Not to mention that no one is around to notice if I’m wearing Granny panties instead of their favorite pair of underwear.

5. Dining Out :: I don’t have to concern myself with kid-friendly atmospheres or picky eaters. I can make reservations after everyone’s bedtime, and I only have to budget for one mouth to feed. I don’t have to remind anyone to use his/her inside voice a million times while trying to carry on an adult conversation, and I only have to share my food if it’s so good that I think everyone at the table needs to try it before dying.

6. Family :: I don’t have in-laws. And, while perfectly wonderful in-laws exist, right now I don’t have to gamble that I might get some of the legendarily bad ones. I can enjoy the peace and harmony of my own dysfunctional family over the holidays. You know, where I can yell and throw a fit if necessary and everyone still loves me the next day because I’m theirs and have always been theirs and they get my random outbursts because they have them too? Yeah, them.

7. Hobbies :: As a single female, I don’t have to concern myself with whether or not I have room in my life for my husband’s deep appreciation for wrestling, NASCAR, sci-fi, hunting, heavy metal concerts, woodworking, or bird watching. It’s just me and my addictions to Young Adult television/books, dishes, handbags, and hostessing parties in my home. There’s no need to mesh anything. Good thing, since there certainly isn’t enough wall space for deer heads, DVR space for UFC fights, or…life space for NASCAR.

Now, hear me clearly, I am no marriage hater. I can’t wait to love on some messy kids, to have arguments about putting down the toilet seat, or to endure the disapproving glare of a judgmental mother-in-law because those things represent the fruition of some of the deepest longings of my heart.

Obviously, the 7 things I listed above were meant to be humorous because, well, sometimes it’s good to be reminded of the silver lining of our perceived clouds…

What do you love about being single? Leave your reasons in the comment section!

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*Photo credit: MSVG

Jessica spent the first twelve years of her "grown-up life" teaching eighth graders exciting topics such as symbolism and thesis statements. And then, in the summer of 2011, she turned around and wasn't a teacher anymore. She has difficulty explaining what her career is but serving as Editor for SingleRoots is just one of her many roles. A collector of Starbucks city mugs, she still doesn't know what she's going to do with them all (50+ at last count), but she figures that she can't possibly stop collecting them now. She has a crush on the Apostle Paul (with the good Doctor Luke coming in a close second) and thinks the best thing about being single is her freedom to travel with some of the most Godly, fun people on the planet. You can follow her on Twitter.

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  • http://heartcommajessica.blogspot.com Jess

    Don’t forget number 8: No one cares if I don’t shave my legs. That’s a pretty good perk.

    As much as I long to be married and have kids hanging off my legs as I bake in the kitchen, I really love being single. And why shouldn’t I?! Why shouldn’t I be excited about and embrace the season God has me in? Why shouldn’t I be enjoying life? That’s always my rebuttal when a well meaning relative begins to badger me on my single status. (They just don’t need to know how hard it is some days)

    Great top 7 list, Jessica!

    • Jessica Bufkin

      I love “Why shouldn’t I?!” Just like I love your Reason #8. No leg shaving also leads me another reason to embrace singleness–not running out of hot water. Well, unless you have a roommate that shaves her legs regularly…

  • http://ikissedmydategoodnight.com Ruth Rutherford

    Don’t forget number 9: Closet and bathroom space! I believe this is the very issue that brought down Mr. & Mrs. Kardashian.

    Right now… I put my stuff where I want it, organize my closet just so, and get ready in the bathroom without someone elbowing me out of the way. These little freedoms will be missed when I get hitched–I’m sure of it.

    • Jessica Bufkin

      Amen and amen. Just goes to show you that even the healthiest of marriages have their weak areas.

  • Taryn Freeze

    8) One can have a cat (or two, maybe even one that drinks beer) and no one judges.

    • W. Brandon Howard

      =)

  • Penelope

    But wouldn’t you give that all up if it meant you could be married?

    • Jessica Bufkin

      Absolutely, Penny! I’ll gladly go to Disney World every year and twice on Leap Years–with my in-laws!

  • Marilyn

    I loved this post Jessica!

    I too, long to be married to a wonderful man but know that I have to have contentment in my life right now and learn to fully rely on God in my single life. I don’t want to have the mentality that marriage will make me happy. I want to be secure in God’s love or else a marriage won’t work like it should. Single life has many good perks, like working as late as you want and not having to worry about getting home to cook supper and worry about him being upset because your at the office “all the time”, leaving an event whenever your ready to or don’t go at all if you don’t want to, sleep late and start getting ready at the last minute cause your the only one in the bathroom and what I love most about being single…doing whatever I want, whenever I want. Selfish? I like to think of it as independent. :)

    • Jessica Bufkin

      My roommate and I were just talking about how working mothers come home and do everything else. It’s hard enough to put something in the microwave at the end of a long day of work–and there aren’t little mouths waiting on us to feed them!

      And you’re right, Marilyn–It is mainly independence, but I do want to be careful with it that term. I think that if I examined the motivations of my heart every single time I did something “independently,” I’m scared the Holy Spirit would show me that I’ve just gotten used to doing things my way, and it crosses over into selfishness. I just want to be on guard against that.

  • Kristy Barbier

    Love it!

    • Jessica Bufkin

      Thanks, Kristy!

  • Emily Wilson

    I haven’t been single in many years, but as a married woman and mother of 2 under age 8 I can say I miss the days I could go pee uninterrupted. I miss being able to go to the gym whenever I wanted. I miss ordering a pizza with my favorite toppings and not a half and half with an extra cheese pizza for the kids. With that being said, I know that the day will come that I will pee in peace and miss the walk in to give me a hug or a card. Let’s be honest…I don’t really go to the gym that often anyway and because of that half a pizza is more than plenty.

    I enjoyed being single, but could have appreciated it more. I enjoy being married, but work daily to appreciate it more. Regardless of the season of life, I think I try to remember that I’m where God wants me and I need to absorb that and live it to it’s fullest without complaint or wishful thinking about the grass on the other side of that fence.

    • Jessica Bufkin

      Great points, Emily! Great ones!

  • Ben R

    Two quick things

    1.) I’d be curious as to why these married couples find superiority in their coupleness. Are they so insecure they can’t go through life without children to affirm them? Are they so co-dependent that their life is vacant without a partner? If those who are single can come under fire for “character flaws”, then so can those who are married. The gulf we paint between those who are married and those who are single is exaggerated.

    2.) Children do change things, yes, but I was hoping the list would be more about “coupleness” vs “singleness”. Three of the eight points (>37% for the geeks) seemed to be motivated by kid-related stuff. Couples without children could use the same points in their list of “reasons why it’s great to not have kids”. In the context of this post, aren’t coupleness and children really two separate things?

    • Jessica Bufkin

      I don’t think they intentionally find superiority in their coupleness. I think it comes from a good place–they want their poor, pitiful single friends to not be lonely and to find the happiness that they themselves find in spouse and family. And, to be fair, we single people tend to buy into that lie to–the lie that our lives will somehow achieve completeness and perfection when we finally get married. Oh, we may say we don’t, but deep down, many of us do and it is a daily battle to take those thoughts captive (like any others).

      You and your 37% geekery. ;) Indeed, they could use the same points, but I don’t think they have to be two separate things. Many single people want both, and we tend to lump them all together. This was never intended to be scientifically accurate. It was meant to be more of a pep talk along the shallow edge of the ocean… ;)

      • Ben R

        Thanks for the clarification.

        Concerning the first point, the sense I got from the post was that the tone of the questioning was that the guy was somehow damaged, which contributed to his singleness. Did I misinterpret? If not, why do you think the questioning went that direction?

        As to the second point, fair enough. Even as a married man who is also a father, I view the two as different things. Maybe it’s just the geek in me. :-)

        • Jessica Bufkin

          I do think that was the tone, but I know from experience that a lot of people view single adults (especially if they’re over 30) in a similar way. Sometimes it is spoken and sometimes it is unspoken, but it lurks beneath the surface. This may be a bit of an overgeneralization, but I think guys often get that even more so than girls because they are supposed to be the “pursuers,” and if they are not pursuing then something must be wrong/broken/damaged.

          Now, because I was there, I know that these married friends were just asking probing questions because that’s the kind of friendship we share, but I think it still came from a place of wondering if there was something wrong.

          And, one more thing: to be fair, sometimes single adults choose to be single because something did happen in their past that prevents them from wanting to get married. I think my friends were just trying to make sure he wasn’t hiding…

          You make me laugh, my geek friend! ;)

  • Kim

    How humorous! Last night I started a list (I came up with 11) of the best things about being single. I will share them with you:

    1.I don’t have to share the remote. (And I can change the channel whenever I want to.)
    2.I can eat ice cream out of the carton with a spoon.
    3.No one complains when I leave my clothes all over the floor. And, I only have to do laundry once a week and can get it done in about 4 loads.
    4.I can do what I want when I want at home and no one will tell me what I should have done.
    5.No one wakes me up or keeps me awake at night.
    6.No one complains about what I make for dinner.
    7.I can go weeks without cleaning and no one notices or complains.
    8.I am in charge of my own finances and make my own decisions.
    9.I don’t have to discuss or decide whose family will have me for which holidays.
    10.I can buy whatever I want and no one questions my decisions.
    11.My grocery bills are very small and I only need to go once every 7-10 days.

    • Jessica Bufkin

      Ha! These are all great, Kim! But I’ve gotta tell you…I LOVE #5! As a girl who is either wide awake or dead tired with no in-between, I had forgotten that my sleeping cycles are not challenged by anything other than my alarm clock. Amen.

      Thanks for adding yours to the list!

  • Angela

    My favorite thing about being single is that I have more time to spend and focus on my ultimate companion, God. I’ve never met a single person that at one time or another didn’t desire to love and be loved enough for marriage. And also it seems the worldly view rubs off on many singles that there is something incomplete about being single. I used to feel this way too. Then I once read a pastor post that he tells his singles to date God. In other words schedule time to spend with God in a way that’s meaningful to you just like you would schedule time for a date. No matter how many love stories are going on around me I have contentment in mine with God. I know if it’s His will for me to share my life intimately with someone besides Him then His timing is perfect. I don’t want to settle for a Corvette (instant gratification) if God’s customizing me a Lamborghini.

    • Jessica Bufkin

      Thanks for adding your thoughts to the conversation, Angela!

  • Kim

    I thought of a few more:
    12: My house is quiet!
    13. No one in my house argues with me – EVER!
    14. I can leave the bathroom door WIDE OPEN.
    15. I never have to put the seat down. (Can I get an AMEN?)
    16. When I look around my house, I know that the things in it are things I earned & paid for with my own money (except for some gifts, of course, from my parents). No “We got that as a wedding gift” around here!

  • Sara

    I am thankful that I don’t have to scrape the remnants of my husband’s snot rockets from the shower walls. No, really. My married younger sister tells me crazy stories that make me feel fortunate that I am single.

  • Sarah

    I enjoyed your list! I would like to point out, however, that some of those are for single people living alone/with other single people. My grandmother’s very ill and for this season God has me living with my parents/grandparents. I don’t get to do laundry whenever it’s convenient, I have been woken up at 2 AM by various issues, and I sometimes do have to check my calendar with someone else. Even when someone else makes life inconvenient, it’s still worth it!

  • http://www.piecesofamy.blogspot.com Amy Schaffner

    @ #1 – I am in total disagreement. I don’t know anyone who has this issue, and I myself am timely in all things…… *clears the throat nervously….*

    I am curious about the whole “married people tend to think of singleness as being selfish” part. I have never thought this way, it made me stop and think a while. I’m assuming it’s because we would think you were selfish to only want to do what you want to do? Any married person who said that would only be saying it out of jealousy…..

    • Jessica Bufkin

      Re: #1.
      I don’t know what you could possibly be referring to. (Ahem.)

      Re: Sefishness
      Jealousy, maybe. But I know my (single) people. Sometimes we’re so used to doing what we want, when we want, (we prefer to call it “independence”) that if we aren’t careful can develop into selfishness. This may not be a problem for everyone, but it can be for some. It’s just something we have to be on guard against.

  • Jemwin2

    Wow, loved this. It was funny and yes: AGREED!

  • Christine Meekins

    I like your reasons for being single. I’m single after two marriages and four sons. I’m really enjoying getting to know myself, doing what I want, when I want. I now have my own hobbies, like knitting and scrapbooking, I have lots of friends to hang out with. But most of all, my relationship with God(my father) is awesome. I love being able to lay in bed and praying and reading the word without any distractions. Some of my married/relationship friends don’t understand why I’m so happy, but oh well. This is me for now.

  • Sal W

    Im glad to find this article online. It’s easy to find articles about Christian women complaining or someone explaining to them why they are still single. I thanked God for my singleness just the other day. And Im contining to do that. I’m really enjoying it. I can do what I want when I want!

  • Heaven

    I totally agree with you Jessica. There are too many frustrations and heartaches in a marriage. Been there, done that.

  • Vickie

    Having been single all of my adult life (54 years old) and hearing all the “You ain’t got married yet” and “Why ain’t you married” and various other insults, THANK YOU for this great article. Loved the humor. The best thing about being singles for me is that I am free to go where I want to go, serve where I want to serve, wash clothes at 2:00 a.m. if I can’t sleep and just be me.