In our first interview, Lauren shared why she chose eharmony as well as the things she’d found both frustrating and exciting in her first month of online dating. Now, a month later, we’ve touched base with her again:
SingleRoots: So you’ve been using eharmony for 2 months now. How’s it going?
Lauren: If I’m being honest… it’s been a bit more discouraging during this second month. I used to check the site every day and organize my daily matches, but now I’m just logging in occasionally to try and clear out the clutter. After the first month, I asked a male friend take a look at my profile and critique it from a guy’s point of view, which was actually super helpful! Until then, I didn’t realize that I had worded one or two things on my profile in a way that might come across as off-putting. Also, another helpful thing I’ve noticed is when I replace/update my photos periodically, I almost instantly see previous matches give my profile another look or even send me questions. Anyway, at the end month #2 I’m still hanging in there, fine-tuning a few things, and trying to keep a positive outlook!
SingleRoots: How many dates have you been on? Do any of them have potential?
Lauren: I’ve been on zero eharmony dates! I’m still trying to be diligent by reaching out and sending questions to a couple of guys a week, but frankly the options are getting further and further away from what I’m looking for (the age range of matches eharmony provides now swings widely, anywhere from 18 to 55—most of which haven’t even been active on the site in over a month).
One thing keeping me off the ledge due to my zero eharmony dates is I’ve had some luck over the past month with dating through other avenues. From a friend offering to set me up on a blind date to a new acquaintance met through joining a co-ed sports league, I’ve come across some really great guys who have been wonderful about showing interest and pursuing. Another thing I tried (or was convinced to try by several friends in the singles ministry at my church…) was a dating app called Tinder. I give fair warning that the premise is shallow, it’s much more difficult to find solid Christian guys there, and you may encounter the occasional offer to simply hook up… yikes! But I’ve tried to approach it carefully. For example, I won’t “like” a guy unless he mentions his faith in his bio, or we share common interest in the same churches. I’ve met a few interesting guys and have had some nice conversations, and I did happen to meet a really sweet guy through the app, who is down-to-Earth and loves the Lord, and we’ve been in near constant communication for 3 weeks now. So I’ve backed off eharmony just a little bit lately to see where that communication goes.
SingleRoots: What’s been the most surprising part of online dating so far?
Lauren: I’ve probably been most surprised just by how my own expectations haven’t been met. I’ve asked so many people who’ve had success through online dating just how long it took before they found the right person. The answers have ranged anywhere from a month to over a year. I guess I thought surely I’d be a “best case scenario” and have luck right away. Why I thought this, I do not know… perhaps I just figured that with the entire internet at my disposal, surely things would fall into place! I’ve had to develop more patience and thicker skin than I originally thought I’d need.
SingleRoots: Have you learned anything about yourself or your dating preferences in the process?
Lauren: I’ve definitely learned, and am still learning, what traits are most important to me in a relationship. And I think I’ve been able to view myself a little more clearly in the process, as well. I’ve also learned that I am simply not one to juggle communication with more than one guy at a time. I have a need to see things through with one person before starting something with another, although sometimes I feel like eharmony is set up for (and even encourages) you to carry on communication with several people all at once. Maybe this is why I’ve had so little luck—because I don’t want to waste anyone’s time by unnecessarily going through the communication process. I feel like I need to be pretty sure of my interest before diving in.
SingleRoots: You’ve had time to get a feel for the site by now, what do you like most about the site and what do you like least?
Lauren: Is it possible that what I like most and what I like least is actually the same function?? On eharmony, you are notified each time someone looks at your profile. It tells you exactly who looked and even what time they looked. This is great because you’re not left wondering if a match has had a chance to see your profile yet. If he has, but for some reason has chosen not to respond or reach out to you, it’s actually an answer of sorts. Sometimes this just makes it easier to know when to stop waiting and move on to the next match.
This is terrible, though, because with one accidental click (or one faulty swipe of the finger on the mobile app while trying to scroll down), you can too easily open their page. Do this one too many times and BOOM… they can see that you’re a profile stalker. Not to mention you have to actually open up your match’s profile to see when he was last active. That internal dialogue goes a little something like this: “Has he even been online yet to see that I sent him questions last week?? Let me open his profile and see… Active today. Awesome. So he’s not interested, and now I’ve just stalked him.”
SingleRoots: Which do you prefer: the mobile app or the website? Why?
Lauren: Definitely the website. I do check the app more frequently to see if there are any updates, but the website is so much easier for viewing profiles and keeping up with communication. Basically, I just use the app to see if anything needs my attention, and if so I grab my laptop and use the website to take it from there.
SingleRoots: On a scale of “This is the most fun I’ve had in a really long time!” to “I’m ready to throw my computer in the river!” how do you currently feel about the process?
Lauren: I’m not quite there yet, but I’m beginning to lean strongly toward that whole computer-in-the-river idea!
If you’re new to the site and intrigued by Lauren’s eharmony experience, you might also want to check out our SingleRoots Online Dating Experiment. We’ve selected 4 other people to try out the top-ranked Best Christian Dating Sites, and we’re following their experiences, too!
Photo credit: dawolf-