I’ve been waiting…
And waiting some more for that special man to come into my life.
He hasn’t shown up yet.
In my twenties, I held on (more like a death grip) to the fantasy of having a husband. Even after my conversion experience, I considered marriage the ultimate prize. I got into a relationship about a year after I came to Christ, and the signs were already blaringly clear that it would not be a God-honoring one. Yet, I went ahead because I was desperate—desperate to be loved, to be pursued, to feel like I wasn’t invisible.
Eventually, that relationship did come to an end and I haven’t been in a relationship since then. I’ve had crushes here and there but after continuous disappointments, a part of me stopped caring about guarding my heart.
Don’t get me wrong, I had pressed into God during those times and He comforted me through those heartaches. I believed that my relationship with Him had gotten stronger and He has patiently waited for me to loosen the grip on the romantic fantasies I’ve held on to. But there were still issues I had tucked away and it’s been within the past year and a half that He’s brought them out into the light.
…And They All Came Tumbling Down
One of the biggest issues that God showed me was my penchant for idolatry. Not ones made out of wood or stone but ones made of out flesh.
Last year, at an annual youth retreat, God gave me a bird’s eye view of my heart. He showed me the altars I had made. With tears flowing, I asked for forgiveness and asked Him to remove the idols from my heart. I remember so clearly His response, “With your hands you made these idols; now with your hands tear them down.”
When God is honored, He is considered precious, highly valuable and held dear. He is placed above all others and His feelings are more important than any one else’s. While it may be pretty straightforward and said a thousand times, applying these God-honoring ways to my life still is a work in progress:
1. Trust God – As I mentioned in my last post, independence has been tough to give up and part of that has been realizing I have no control over things like meeting that special someone. I just celebrated another year of life with no prospects in sight, and there’s a part of me that freaks out every now and again at the idea of my life continuing husbandless. But I have to remind myself that when I came to Christ, I turned my life completely over to Him—even getting married. I’ve come to embrace that God does not withhold any good from me (Psalm 84:11).
2. Love God – Obedience and love are tied together. Jesus said in John 14:23, “The one who loves Me will obey My teaching. My Father will love him. We will come to him and live with Him.” Honoring God is about growing in my personal intimacy with Him and surrendering all those places in my heart that I’ve kept hidden away. If I love God fully, then I can’t allow any false gods to abide in my heart. Christ has already claimed it, and I can say unreservedly that I am my Beloved’s (Song of Solomon 6:3).
3. Obey God – I’ve learned it’s pretty easy to be led by my emotions, and it has stopped me from growing in faith. My flesh is weak and seeks out its own pleasure. My heart is deceitful and will lead me astray. Jesus exemplified obedience with His own life and shows us that we can do the same. He willingly gave up His own comfort to go to the Cross because of the love He had for the Father and the Father’s love for us. I’ve learned that my disobedience comes from highly esteeming someone else’s opinions or fearing their reaction rather than God’s. Obedience to God will always be for my benefit and will help me to trust and love Him more.
How are you honoring God while you wait?
If you know someone who is waiting on God in any are of their life, will you email them this post?