Dear eharmony,
We need to talk. And we both know that means something is up.
Here’s the thing: You were our first online dating love. You taught us to not be scared of strangers on the internet. You taught us that it was possible to find other legit Christians and that we didn’t have to wade through tons of profiles to find those Christians—you would deliver them right to our inbox daily. Or every other day. Well, actually, let’s be real—sometimes you only sent us matches once or twice a week because your algorithm was far from perfect. From time to time you told us that there weren’t any available matches for us, and that still hurts a little.
But we forgave you because you were the best available option that we had at the time.
We stuck by you for a long time while these free dating apps popped up because they were scary and people were swiping just based on appearances. We heard a lot of nightmare stories about people only using those things to hook up and we wanted no part in that nonsense. We were in this thing for marriage and we knew that you had the serious marriage contenders. We’d heard about other Christians finding their spouses on eharmony, so we wanted to dance with the girl that brought us, so to speak.
But then we started hearing that other Christians were using those apps and they were going on dates. Quite a few dates, actually. And those apps were free for them while we were over here paying at least $30 a month—sometimes even $60—for your algorithm to tell us that our settings were too strict and there weren’t any new matches for us.
So we got bored, and well, we might’ve cheated on you. We tried one app and then two and there were times when we might’ve had 3-4 apps running at the same time. Because if they’re free, then why not, we reasoned.
But the thing is, they wore us out. We got tired of swiping right and left. It felt like swiped left all. the. time. And after a while, after the newness wore off and we went on a few dates, we became swiping machines. We’d stand around and swipe unconsciously every day—sometimes while waiting on our friends to show up, sometimes while watching tv, sometimes while sitting on the toilet—most of the time out of sheer boredom.
We found that when we did actually swipe right, it wasn’t because we were necessarily excited about the match or actually wanted to go on a date with them. It was more that they just seemed moderately better than all the other people we’d been swiping left on.
While we admit we cheated on you, we’re exhausted from straying. We’re tired of swiping mindlessly. It kinda took the fun out of dating—if dating can indeed be “fun.” We started missing you, eHarm, and the excitement of getting 7 matches a day in our inbox, matches who were closer to what we were looking for than what we were seeing on the apps. We really do want marriage, and the apps took the intentionality out of dating and replaced it with volume but not sincerity.
So we need you to be the hero in our Online Dating Love Stories. We need you to catch up with the times and fix your flaws. Because we still believe in your algorithm and your ability to match us with like-minded Christians.
You were on the right track when you took away the forced guided communication. We like the “What If?” options you’ve recently added, too. But you’ve got to find a way to bridge the divide between Old School Traditional Online Dating and those Young Whippersnapper Mobile-Only Dating Apps.
A few suggestions?
- We need the user experience to improve on your app. It’s just too much in this day and age. We want more details than apps like Tinder provides, but we don’t need to spend an hour setting up our online dating profile. Ain’t nobody got time for that anymore.
- We need you to lower your price. We’ll be more than happy to pay you for matching us with serious daters, but $60 for one month—in this day and age—is scandalous. You’re not worth it, right now.
- We need you to tell us the last time a match logged in. Even Match and Christian Mingle let us know if a user is active on the site or not. This should not be an issue for you at all. It’s shady that you don’t do it. Fix it.
- We need you to up your Cool Factor. Most of the people using your site are Web 1.0 folks. They’re scared of the dating apps so they’re hanging out on a traditional site while the rest of us have moved on. Even if we have the funds to pay your exorbitant prices, we aren’t finding many of the Cool Kids on your site.
We say these things out of love because we believe you can bounce back. And when you do, we’ll be waiting with our credit card in hand.
Until then, though, we’ll just be over here nursing our sore thumbs…
XOXOXO,
Christian Singles of America
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Last Updated: 9/28/2023
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