Topics discussed in Chapter 5:
- How long can I expect it to take to find a first date?
- As a female, how do I put “safety first” on a first date?
- What tips do you have if I live in a rural area?
- What tips do you have for a first date?
- Skip to Chapter 6 :: I’ve Tried Online Dating Before and…Nothing. Should I Try Again?
1. How long can I expect it to take to find a first date?
We know you don’t want to hear this, but it just depends. It depends on how restrictive your match search settings are. It depends on your geography and how many matches are in your area. It depends on how long a match wants to talk online before moving offline. It depends, it depends, it depends.
If you’re in a major metropolitan city, chances are you might get a first date relatively quickly. If you’re a girl, you might see your guy friends getting dates faster than you because, as is usually the case, there are more women to choose from than there are men.
But, if you haven’t at least communicated with someone after a few weeks of online dating, you might want to look over 2 areas:
Sometimes, in an effort to find a like-minded Christian match, you can make your settings so restrictive that you weed out many matches. See if you can bend on things like alcohol consumption, level of education, or other areas that might not be as cut and dried as a multiple choice answer list will offer.
Have someone check your profile. Maybe there’s something about your profile that could be improved. Do you have a lot of incorrect grammar and spelling? Are your profile pics indicative of your real appearance? Did you answer a question in such a way that makes a match think you are obsessed with marriage and children? A second set of eyes on your profile can only help.
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2. As a female, how do I put “safety first” on a first date?
If you’ve watched a lot of Lifetime movies and fear you’ll end up missing because you said yes to a first date with the Craigslist Killer who has now moved on to online dating, please know it’s okay to put some safeguards in place for your first date. Chances are, the longer you spend dating online, the less fearful it will be for you, but for now, there are a few things you can do in the interest of good safety.
::Tell someone where you are going. Set a time for when you will leave and contact them if you decide to stay longer.
::Only go on dates in public places.
::Have a friend go to the same restaurant or coffee shop as you so they can discreetly keep an eye on things from across the room.
::Don’t let your date walk you to your car when the date is over.
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3. What tips do you have if I live in a rural area?
For starters, if you live in a rural area, you’re probably going to want to choose one of the biggest online dating sites (eharmony, Match.com, or Christian Mingle) because you need access to as many profiles as possible. Chances are, if anyone in your area has tried online dating, then they’re probably using one of the Big Three.
Another thing to keep in mind is that you’re probably going to have to be okay with long-distance dating. That’s not to say that there’s no one in your town who uses online dating, but you probably know most of the people there and if you wanted to date them already, you probably would have, right?
If you’re within an hour or two of a major metropolitan city, then expand your search to include that city. But if you’re not near a city, you’ll want to practice patience. While you might find people to talk to, actually seeing them in real life might take a little bit of time unless you both have really flexible schedules.
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4. What tips do you have for a first date?
Every first date is different, so we have 3 simple tips for you:
Duh. But seriously, don’t pretend to be interested in things you’re not interested in. You are who you are, and while it’s good to hear about someone else’s differences, you don’t have to pretend to be interested in learning who won every World Series since JFK was president. (But certainly let him know you’d love to go to a baseball game with him.)
::Don’t put too many expectations on the evening.
It may go well, or it may not. Don’t go in hanging every hope you have for marriage, children, and the American Dream on this match. No one can live up to that. Plus, low expectations leaves room for fun surprises–like, if he brings flowers or if she knows who won every World Series since JFK was president.
Dating is supposed to be fun. Sure, it can be a little stressful, but go into it with the mindset that this is a fun opportunity to have a good meal and meet other people.
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>> Next: Chapter 6 :: I’ve Tried Online Dating Before, and…Nothing. Should I Try It Again?
<< Back: Chapter 4 :: Using Your Words: How Do I Go About Communicating?