Does this sound familiar?
Boy meets girl at church.
Boy adds girl on Facebook, texts her regularly, and goes out of his way to hang out with her.
Girl starts to notice boy yet boy never asks out girl.
It has to be maddening for the girl.
Before I step in a proverbial pile, I’d like to preface with the fact that I am not a woman.
(My mother is somewhere reading this right now letting out a big sigh of relief.)
I’ll never truly understand how a woman thinks nor experience walking around with a womb inside of me or the general perception that I am inherently weaker than the other gender.
I don’t subscribe to any delusions of grandeur by believing I know what is best for all relationships, but can only share what I have noticed to be the best course of action in most situations.
With that in mind…
Ladies, no matter how much we drop the ball, do not pursue us.
Please, stop. There is a growing trend that women should take the reins of the relationship and, in my opinion, it’s completely regressive.
Women are commonly outnumbering men in church.
Their college graduation rate is significantly higher. Great strides have been made in the work place as more women are successfully holding roles as executives and business owners. Not to mention, the balancing act that occurs in a female’s life when she takes on a career and motherhood is nothing short of awe-inspiring.
While signs are everywhere that men are failing to be true men in all facets of life, women seem to be rising to the challenge more than ever.
I applaud their sheer will power and the progress achieved in the process. However, when God made you a woman, I believe he did so with incredible thoughtfulness and consideration. The soul of who you are was formed with an intricate attention to detail, and the beauty that resulted could only be expressed in terms of the greatness of femininity. That beauty and greatness is something that deserves to be fought for and pursued, treasured and won through earnest endeavor.
There is a belief becoming more common that in the name of progress and equality, a woman should initiate a relationship with a man if she wants to.
Pursue him or perhaps ask him to marry her—nothing about this scenario represents progress to me. I would go so far as to say it dilutes the tremendous worth of a woman and robs a man of an opportunity to be a man.
I believe in John 3:16 and because I do, I believe a marriage is between a man and a woman as a metaphor for Christ’s sacrificial love for a church that He loved first, and should embody that relationship and union.
As a guy much more likely to be described as meek and mild rather than ferocious or aggressive, even I have a deep desire to pursue, provide for, and protect a woman.
When I was younger, I didn’t always have the confidence that I had the ability to do so and unfortunately, I used a lot of immature tactics in dealing with my feelings for girls.
However, transitioning from boyish behavior in my approach with women has required time to mature along with watching girls I cared for walk away because I didn’t have the confidence to make my intentions clear.
Ladies, if your desire for marriage is to find man who fervently desires to lead you through servanthood, then there is a precedence that starts from the very beginning.
If that’s not your desire for marriage, I would suggest you consider examining examples of healthy and unhealthy relationships and take notice of what roles the man and woman take in each one.
Bottom line, the beauty and mystery of a woman deserves to be pursued.
As a lady, if you’re interested, make yourself available, but even if it frustrates you to your breaking point, do not initiate.
You’re doing us no favors otherwise. If he’s not man enough to take a risk, he’s not man enough for you.
You’re beautiful and someone to be treasured and cared for. Only when he is ready to risk his pride and everything that he holds dear is he ready to hold you.
*Photo credit: Krikit
About W. Brandon Howard
