In Denise’s first Online Dating Experiment, we gave her a 3-month subscription to Christian Café. But that didn’t really turn out quite like she expected. (Translation: No dates.)
So we offered her 3 months on another site, eharmony, to see if she might have better luck. Month 1 netted her no dates, but she said it was a more positive experience nonetheless. How did her second month on eharmony go? Here’s what she had to say:
So you’ve been using eharmony for 2 months now. How’s it going?
Denise: It’s kind of like the ocean—it ebbs and flows. One week there will be a lot of matches or guys who make contact with me. And then the next, the guys that I’ve reached out to won’t respond. A few even blocked themselves from me after receiving my answers to questions they sent. It’s hard to not take it personally! But then I shake if off (thanks, Taylor!) and think, “He doesn’t really know me.” I find hope that the potential pool of suitors has only been narrowed down by the guys who aren’t intimidated by my high standards.
How many dates have you been on? Do any of them have potential?
Denise: STILL NO DATES. The guys that I have made contact with live at least a few hours away. There haven’t been any within a few miles radius of where I live in Ft. Lauderdale, which is a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, I have seen and interacted with lots of people at the grocery stores and public places around here, and the guys just aren’t my type so I’m thankful that my matches won’t fall into that category. On the other, we can’t just meet up for a quick cup of coffee and our interaction remains strictly digital.
What’s been the most surprising part of online dating so far?
Denise: I guess how difficult it’s been. How do you encompass your multidimensional self in a series of a few digital questions and some photos? Or better yet, how can you really choose which pixelated version of other humans would compliment who you really are? I want to be fair and am giving more people online a chance than I would in real life, but in the end, I’m thinking, “This isn’t going to work. Am I just wasting my time?” It’s tough!
Have you learned anything about yourself or your dating preferences in the process?
Denise: I know that I am picky, but I kind of new this beforehand. Online dating has only solidified (and maybe justified) my high standards and expectations. If you don’t talk about Jesus in your “Things You Can’t Live Without” list, I’m gonna question your relationship with Him. If you make multiple, obvious spelling errors in your answers, you just lowered your chances of me initiating or returning contact. If you use a gym selfie as your profile picture, fuhgettaboutit.
You’ve had time to get a feel for the site by now, what do you like most about the site and what do you like least?
Denise: I like the way that eharmony allows you to communicate. They take you through a series of questions that get deeper and more intimate as you go back and forth. In the end, it’s like you can email each other through the website. If you don’t like the answers at any point, you can cease contact. It’s a good way to get to know one another and helps me when I’m not really good at small talk. I don’t really like how the homepage is set up. I haven’t really figured out how to make my own search. I’ve just been a victim of the automatic matches they send me. I’d like to change some parameters and see who comes up, like for example, searching around my home state of NJ instead of where I currently live in FL. Maybe next month, this will be my challenge and see if I have any better luck!
Which do you prefer: the mobile app or the website? Why?
Denise: Considering I don’t use the mobile app, I prefer the website. I still haven’t revealed to many people that I’m using an online dating site, and I have more privacy on my computer than I do on my phone. I’m also trying to spend less time “scrolling aimlessly” on my phone, so I’ve removed many apps that distract me from real life communication.
On a scale of “This is the most fun I’ve had in a really long time!” to “I’m ready to throw my computer in the river!” how do you currently feel about the process?
Denise: I’m at about an “Ok I’m kind of over this whole thing but I’m willing to give it another shot.” It’s kind of exhausting for me as an introvert. But I see the happy couples on the log in page, and hear stories from a friend who’s had a positive experience, and see the non-existent potential dates that I’ve had in the past two years living in Florida and I think, “Hey, you never know!”
Any words of wisdom or tips for Denise in her final month of the eharmony Experiment?