Everyone has to start somewhere, right? When you first enter the world of online dating, it can be a bit overwhelming. Many people get nervous and make online dating mistakes. Nothing too serious, mind you. It’s just easy to over think things or to not think clearly about your next move.
We’ve sat across the table from friends who were in the early stages of online dating and listened to similar conversations like these:
- “I’m pretty sure he’s talking to another girl because he called me ‘Angela.’”
- “She looked good in that one picture, but in the other five, notsomuch. Based on that one pic, though, I’m attracted to her.”
- “He mentioned something about his ex-wife and son and a restraining order, so I’m thinking he’s probably not the one for me, but I want to go and meet him anyway just to be sure.”
Some conversations seem like rational arguments in our heads, but when we vocalize them, we realize they can be a bit…ridiculous.
Since some people don’t necessarily like to talk about the fact that they’re dating online, we thought we’d be your friends and put together some tips for rookies—a way to keep you from making some early online dating mistakes. There are more, we’re sure, but these should help you out in the beginning.
1. Go ahead and assume your match is talking to/going on dates with more than just you.
You’ve got to kiss that Joshua Harris I Kissed Dating Goodbye mentality…goodbye. Despite the fact that he/she is the only match you are communicating with currently, it’s good to keep in mind that you might not be the only person he/she is talking to. In fact, save yourself some heartache and go ahead and assume you’re not. Give them the space they need to make a decision, and don’t come on too strong. You’re only an email or two away from being in the same boat as them anyway.
We have friends who had several dates scheduled each week, but we could only focus on one match at a time. Either works; it just depends on personal preference. It’ll make your life a lot easier if you don’t get fired up about it. Plus, with that same mindset, your conscience will be clear if the date doesn’t go well and you go home to strike up a conversation with another match.
If you’ve been on several dates and he/she is playing the field, that’s a different story, but initially, it’s kind of a safe bet to make the assumption that there are others.
2. Every time someone asks you on a date, your answer does not have to be “yes.”
You’ve emailed back and forth with the person, and you’ve even talked with them on the phone a few times. You’ve come to the conclusion that they just aren’t the one for you. You’re too different politically, you’re too different spiritually, you’re too different in interests—whatever the case may be, you know you’re just too different. And not in an “opposites attract” kind of way, but in an “it’ll never work in a million years” way.
Hey, that’s okay. You met someone new, you learned more about yourself, and you can move on.
Yes, we know you’re curious about this person with whom you’ve invested a good 2-3 hours of your life, but know that if your gut tells you it won’t work, you’re not obligated to go out with someone just because they think you might be the love of their life. This is really to help prevent our people pleasing friends from making an online dating mistake—you can just say, “No.” Well, say, “No, thank you.” It’s nicer.
3. It’s okay to use the Internet for “research.”
Google, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram—if you can find the information online and do further research, more power to you. It’s not your fault they put it on the worldwide web for all to see. Just be careful to not cross the line from researcher to…stalker. And also be careful to not let information you discovered about him/her drop in conversation before they ever mention it. To be fair, though, remember that they’re probably checking on all of your social media outlets too.
What other are some other online dating mistakes you’ve made?
Photo credit: MikeCrane83