[Disclaimer: This new Sunday night post is meant to be a humorous feature that attempts to poke fun at some of the stereotypes and issues that arise in the dating world. If sarcasm isn’t your thing, you might want to stop reading now…]
Can I just help a brother out for a second? I mean, I know that it’s hard being you. I don’t envy the role you play in a dating relationship–you know that whole initiator, protector, provider thing. But let’s forget about that for a moment and talk first dates. Specifically, the location for first dates.
You see, my list of poorly-planned first dates is vast, so it’s not like I made this issue up. I should’ve known the date was headed for sketchy territory when he told me that we’d be going to his favorite restaurant, On the Border. Did I mention that I live in the Great State of Texas? Our list of authentic TexMex fare is so extensive that I daresay there is no need to ever dine at OTB. Heck, it’s not even a good choice if you live in a land with sparse Mexican food options. Taking a first date there is a sacrilege—akin to going to Chicago and eating deep dish at Pizza Hut.
I’m not trying to be a diva, I’m just trying to help you out here. It is because of my experiences that I would like to offer you the assistance of “Jessica’s Restaurant Tier System.”
Follow me on this…
Some might misunderstand Tier 1 restaurants to be all about the price and number of Michelin stars. It is not. Tier 1 dining takes place at restaurants that are one-of-a-kind and/or show forethought or creativity. The guy who took me to an authentic Greek restaurant after I mentioned that I’d like to try Greek food someday definitely scored bonus points on that date. Tier 1 restaurants don’t have to be expensive, but they do need to be original. A charming hole-in-the wall can sometimes be just as—if not more—appealing as a place with a maitre d’. And, well, if you just don’t know what to do, then expensive is a perfectly acceptable default.
::Tier 2 ::
I get it—it’s not always so cut and dried, and you can’t always make Tier 1 happen. Or, maybe you’re not sure enough about her to decide if she’s worth investing the time and energy into a Tier 1 spot. There’s wiggle room in this system. In the event that Tier 1 doesn’t work for you, a local chain is acceptable. Keyword: local. Somewhere that assures both of you a good meal should it be your one and only date.
I don’t care if you’ve heard that all Southern girls love down-home country cooking—the Cracker Barrel is never acceptable for a first date. (Yes, I’m still speaking from personal experience here.) But if you must know the rule of thumb for Tier 3 restaurants, here you go: if the restaurant is found to have multiple locations throughout multiple cities in multiple states, don’t go there. Pretty much ever.
So, let’s review:
Just say no to Tier 3, and you’ll do fine.
Godspeed, my guy friends, and…
(Pick your parting phrase.)
May the force be with you.
Live long and prosper.
Git ‘er done!
*Photo credit: Hallenser