Most of what I write is fairly universal in application. Yes, I am a single person and the blog I write for is called SingleRoots, but most of what I compose is for the believer-at-large. Is there something wrong with me? Shouldn’t my matrimonial status determine more of what I think and do?
After all, it’s called Focus on the Family. I don’t hear politicians talk much about single-person values either. If a place of business labels itself as “single friendly,” I’d be afraid that it would be either very depressing or morally bankrupt.
Maybe I’m not very emotionally or spiritually mature. Maybe I need to grow more as a person and believer before I can contribute to the life and happiness of a woman. But I know some messed up people who are married. And their spouses are messed up, too. In fact, I’m more together than a lot of people, even though I still have issues.
Perhaps my priorities are out of order. No debt, seeking to abide in Christ, gainfully employed, engaged in ministry (pun intended), and diverse interests – those sound okay. What am I missing here? After all, I am single. That means I’m missing out on God’s blessings somewhere, so it should be a big deal.
I know what it is! I lack structure. I need a woman to point out personal flaws I can’t see, then she can fix them and I can reach my full potential as a man of God! I think I’d rather go on a mission trip to Antarctica in my underwear.
Honestly, I don’t know why my being single isn’t a big deal for me. I like women just fine. Several of them are good friends of mine. I’m not a social exile, and I am capable of carrying on conversations with women without profuse sweating or jittering.
It may be as simple as saying that I don’t want to get married. At least not right now. If I were seeking to be married, it would be easier to just insert some random woman who would suffice. That way I could get stability, tax breaks, kids, companionship – and sex too! Yes, the Bible says married people are supposed to do it.
But I am not seeking after the institution itself. And I think that’s an important distinction. I am trying to keep my eyes open for the woman with whom the logical conclusion is a lifelong commitment. I am not yearning after the lifelong commitment and then seeing if I have any takers.
“But Jake,” you may say. “Don’t you know that marriage models Christ’s love for the church, it’s not good for man to be alone, and the worth of an excellent wife is greater than jewels?” Yes, I am familiar with the Bible. And I am also aware that many marriages are loveless; many married men wish they would be left alone and they could pawn their wives for jewels.
Some people say that singleness is a season. If so, it feels like Spring to me. All things are an option for me, I don’t have to check in with anybody, and I’m not lonely. That’s not to say that I am opposed to getting married but if/when it happens, it will have to be an improvement and not a surrender.
If you are someone who longs to be married I don’t really have much for you. Sure, I could be cliché and say that you ought to spend that time falling in love with Jesus, putting your energy into ministry, or preparing yourself to meet that special someone. Really, though, there aren’t many Biblical distinctions between single and married people. The main distinction is believer and nonbeliever.
I guess it’s not a bad thing to want to be married, unless you’re just using God as a filler until He sends somebody your way. As best I can tell, God’s demand for our devotion has nothing to do with whether we have a wedding ring or not.
From what I gather single people and married people both admire certain aspects of the others’ lives. That means single people are not junior varsity human beings or believers. That’s why I enjoy where my life is right now.
That and the fact that I’m about to eat nachos while wearing camouflage socks and watching a shoot ‘em up movie.
*Photo credit: WhitA