Now that I’m in my mid-30s, I’ve spent some time reflecting on the things I learned while experiencing my twenties as a single guy. My list is mainly beneficial if you’re of the male demographic, but I’m sure that it can speak to the ladies too. (Even if it’s a “Yeah, Ryan, preach it, brother!”)
Hopefully, one of my life lessons can save you some heartache, point you in a new direction, or just give you something to think about…
1. Only in emergencies should you live with your parents. And if you must, put a time limit on it. Girls see this as a red flag.
2. If you don’t have the money, don’t buy it. Your future family shouldn’t be paying interest on the big screen you bought when you were 21.
3. Girls don’t care what kind of car you drive. They mainly care if you have drive — as in, whether or not you have enough ambition to support a family someday.
4. Working on a career versus working on an Xbox game has a much bigger payoff in the long run, according to Donald Miller. He’s right.
5. Don’t be scared of taking a risk. You don’t have a family, and you have plenty of time to correct things if you guessed wrong.
6. Relationship-hopping, church-hopping, and job-hopping teach you to run from commitment. Pick something to commit to and watch yourself grow.
7. Journal often. Our memories fail us. When you get to your thirties, you probably won’t be able to remember the difference between age 26 and 28. It’s your story – write it down. Your thirtysomething self will appreciate it.
8. Make traveling a priority. Get outside of your cultural bubble. That may mean leaving the country or that may mean leaving your region. Either way, get out there and meet God’s people that didn’t grow up exactly like you.
9. Have people over to your place. Guys can be notorious for having a disgusting man cave that we never let anyone see. How I keep my place is usually a direct reflection of other disciplines in my life. So host a card night. Invite the guys over for the game. Cook for your date (not on the first date though).
10. Have a teachable spirit. This is probably the most important thing on this entire list. The Lord and people can’t work with you if you think you know it all. Always assume you can learn something from every person and situation you come in to.
11. Get older mentors. Find a spiritual mentor who is where you want to be when you are their age. Once they realize that you have a teachable spirit (see #10), they will pour themselves into you. Believe me on this one. Stop and do this now.
12. Don’t have sex until you are married. Sex adds months and years onto relationships that should otherwise end in 6 weeks. I got married a few years ago and take it from me: we’re both glad we waited.
13. Be careful who you take advice from. Many very nice people want you to sign up for their story. The fastest way to frustrate yourself is to seek counsel from humans first and the Holy Spirit second. This order always leads to confusion.
14. I’ve always loved the quote: “In 5 years, you’ll be different by the books you read and the people you meet.” Choose books and people wisely.
15. “Throw your knapsack over the wall.” Commit. Sometimes you just need to commit, even if you don’t know how you’re going to get over the wall.
16. You don’t have to wait until you are free from lust to be used in the Kingdom. God wants to use you where you are today. Period.
17. One definition I’ve heard for “masculinity” is: to initiate. Start practicing initiating things. Ask the girl out and don’t beat around the bush about it. Initiate hang out events for your crew. Ask people to go eat. Find something you are passionate about and take the next step to make it happen.
18. Regarding parents: Move from a child-parent relationship to a friendship if you can. Get to know your parents as adults. Earn their respect as an adult by being responsible.
19. Tithe. No matter what your current pay scale, start tithing. It’s Biblical and, most importantly, sets the foundation for being even more generous down the road.
20. Anything worth doing requires hard work and sacrifice. Education doesn’t just happen. Businesses don’t build themselves. Careers aren’t handed to us. Spiritual growth can’t be downloaded. Ministry can be messy. So when you find some resistance, get excited and start pushing back.
My twenties were about getting to know myself. I challenge you to not let your twenties just happen. Find your identity in Christ, walk in faith, take risks, push yourself, and set out to see what you’re capable of.
For all of you thirtysomethings reading this, feel free to add your own nuggets of wisdom in the comments area below. We all can learn from each other.