The issue of flirting can be quite polarizing. Since it’s not I Kissed Dating Goodbye-approved, some Christians would have nothing to do with such trivial matters. WWJD? Not flirt. From their lofty position, flirting reeks of desperation and those who do so must be filling some sort of validation void in their lives.
For others, flirting is a badge of honor. They know they’re flirts, they love to flirt, and they don’t get what the big deal is and why the non-flirters take themselves soooo seriously. They’re pretty darn proud of how good they are at flirting, and their dating life is proof that flirting is working for them–even if they haven’t locked down a marriage yet.
And then there are those in the middle. They think they probably should flirt a little more, but it’s just not natural to them. They feel awkward and wish it was the kind of thing they could get lessons on. (But who’s going to ask a friend to help them learn to flirt??) They’d at least like to try it more to see if it helps.
And that begs the question: Is flirting helpful? Should we flirt to let someone know we’re interested?
SingleRoots Writers Say…
For wise counsel, we asked some of our SingleRoots alumni writers to weigh in on the matter. Here’s what they had to say:
“If I were a woman interested in a man I would say yes. I think it’s fine to show yourself as interested at least in conversation. If you’re a guy, I’d use the word ‘approach’ more than flirt. But the answer is yes–make a ‘move.’ A lot of guys will initiate if they know it’s ok. Send the ok signal.”
:: Justin Campbell, author of Am I the Best Me When I’m with My Family?
“Ladies, if you genuinely want to go on a date, sure. Guys sometimes need a cue or a hint and a little flirtation can push us to take a chance. As a guy, if you can pull it off (because I rarely could), it can be helpful to flirt with a girl, especially a friend, and test the waters a little before you decide to take a step and ask her out.”
:: W. Brandon Howard, author of Upon One Month of Marriage: An Open Letter to the Guys
“For the love, yes! I don’t think you should be extreme in it but I do firmly believe you need to show that person you are interested. Take it from me, the girl who is absolutely the worst at flirting, you should do it if you are interested. But don’t be shocked if it’s not reciprocated or they aren’t interested. Some people aren’t, even when you flirt with them. As long as you aren’t throwing yourself in booty shorts and prancing about in front of them (guys, I’m looking at you) I think it’s really great to flirt to encourage them if they have an interest in you as well.”
:: Sara Stacy, author of Living Into Your Passion (or, How Peyton Manning Is a Beast and You Can Be One, Too)
Explore the Topic Further…
For further discussion on flirting and rules of the dating game, check out these posts:
It’s an Honor to Be Old-Fashioned – “I had broken fathers’ daughters’ hearts. I had played the flirting game, with no intentions of anything more. I had mistreated and talked down to them. And something changed inside of me when I started to see this woman the way her father sees her, the way her earthly father sees her and the way her Heavenly Father sees her. My choices started to matter a little more.”
Is Flirting Okay? – “As a single man, never did I ask myself if flirting was okay. The question of flirting was only concerned with whom I would flirt. But one size doesn’t fit all. For some of you, flirting just isn’t your style, and you need to be okay with that and not feel like something is wrong with you.”
The Lost Art of Dating – “I have to admit, after our first dates, when there was still uncertainty about where the relationships were going, I had some inner turmoil. Maybe this is common for most people. I was often wondering: What happens next? Do I want to go out with them again? Do I like them? Do they like me? What’s acceptable communication? WHERE’S MY TRUSTY HANDBOOK FOR DATING ETIQUETTE?”
He Withholds No Good Thing from Us – “You’ve done your part. You’ve hinted that you’re interested. You’ve flirted appropriately and made an effort to get to know him. But still there’s nothing. Nothing except a mutual friendship being formed and you find yourself endlessly frustrated and disheartened.”