A couple of weekends ago I went on a women’s retreat with my church. The theme was control. I started thinking about my own life. What is the number one thing God has asked me to relinquish control of? My desire to get married. As I reflected on this, God began to reveal some pretty convicting facts.
I have and continue to try to control my dating life.
I attempt to control my dating life by going out on dates, rating the guys I meet, and wondering, if maybe this time, I found the right match.
In fact, one of my first matches seemed like the real deal. He loved Jesus, he got my sarcastic wit, and he was easy on the eyes. One day we spent eight hours hanging out, going to thrift stores, and talking about life.
However, not too long after, I got the nice text message that said something along the lines of “Hey, I don’t see this getting serious.” I was hurt and frustrated, not because I was in love with this man, but simply because I was and am tired of being alone.
Later, it occurred to me that in the midst of this I have been leaving God out of the equation. I have stopped asking Him for a husband and instead have taken it upon myself to go out and find one. I’ve stopped asking because I’ve stopped believing that He’s interested in fulfilling my desire.
As I shared with one of the girls from my Community Group, I’ve realized that instead of just sharing my dating war stories—and boy, do I have them—I need those ladies to pray with me for my husband. I need them to stand in the gap for me, trusting that God does have a plan and He will answer my prayer.
Now the scary part of this is that God doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we think he should, so I have to relinquish control of that as well.
It is not easy. I want a quick fix.
I want assurance now that the person He’s designed to be my partner is out there. Instead, God is calling me to just sit in today and enjoy what’s right in front of me. As a planner, this is not easy for me. I live from one event to the next. I like having something to look forward to, but along the way I know I miss out on so much.
What’s that clever saying we hear so often? “Life is about the journey, not the destination.”
Although as Christians, we are longing for our eternal destination, God has us here to participate in the journey and to enjoy life as it comes, even when we don’t know what’s next.
What is God asking you to relinquish control of?
Photo credit: jrodmanjr