Is being single in your 20s a world apart from singleness in your 30s, or is it pretty much the same except with better furniture? Is there really a big difference between the two decades? And if so, do we all experience some similar realizations or epiphanies? Do some of us find the freedom to thrive in our single states, or do we all end up cynical and jaded after 20 years of singleness?
It’s good for twentysomethings to know that singleness in your 30s is not something to be feared, and it’s good for thirtysomethings to stop every now and then, take a look back and see how far they’ve come in their journey.
SingleRoots Writers Say…
For wise counsel, we asked some of our SingleRoots alumni writers to weigh in on the matter. Here’s what they had to say:
“1. In my 30s, I’ve come to terms with singleness. Not that I no longer hope for a spouse, but instead I feel more comfortable with it.
2. I’m not embarrassed to be single anymore and actually enjoy my independence.
3. I understand myself much better, my strengths, weaknesses, needs, etc. This also enables me to know what kind of people I need in my life to serve as my team–the folks who invest in, advise me, and provide encouragement. I also better know how to do the same for others and who can benefit from what I have to give.
4. My friendships are a lot different. In my 20s, more friends were single. In my 30s, more friends are married with kids. That’s a hard world to navigate. I want to hang out with people my age, but people in my stage who can do the fun things my singleness allows are often 10 years younger and sometimes annoyingly immature.”
::Libby Gifford, author of 1988 and 2011: Not Much Has Changed
“I think in your 20s you tend to think you’ll be married soon. You sort of have your whole life in front of you. Frankly we often even pass on people because we think, ‘I have all the time in the world.’ In your 30’s you’re older, and probably more comfortable with who you are. You may also feel a clock ticking. I think in your late 20s, early 30s there is also this realization that your family and childhood had some things that weren’t right. You begin to really see how all of that has affected you. If you are single, you’ll probably realize how it has been a part of that.”
::Justin Campbell, author of Who Knows What You’re Doing?
“I became much more ‘aware’ of my singleness in my 30s. Aware because more and more friends were getting married and having babies, and more and more people would make comments about when/where I might finally find that ‘lucky girl.’ It started out as a negative feeling but it led to a better positive understanding of who I was in Christ. I became more comfortable with being a homebody on weekends instead of needing to constantly find reasons to stay up til 3AM, not spending money as frivolously just because I had a black number in my checking account, being aware of what I was looking for when I dated, and eventually, comfortable with the fact that it was really okay to be single.”
::W. Brandon Howard, author of The Power of Being Noticed
Explore the Topic Further…
For further discussion on singleness in your 20s and 30s, check out these posts:
Twenty Things I Learned in My Twenties – “Now that I’m at the ripe, old age of 32, I’ve spent some time reflecting on the things I learned while experiencing my twenties as a single guy. Hopefully, one of my life lessons can save you some heartache, point you in a new direction, or just give you something to think about…”
Delaying Marriage :: Why is Everyone Still Single? – “‘Why are you still single?’ can be one of the more annoying questions singles are peppered with. And we never know who’s going to say it next—our distant relatives, the little old couple at church, an inquisitive niece or nephew, or even the great guy or girl we just met online. According to the latest data from the Pew Research Center, the number of singles who are delaying marriage is skyrocketing…”
The Evolution of Singleness in Your 20s and 30s :: A Girl’s Perspective in GIFs – “If you’ve been single long enough, you know that your feelings about the matter can change like the shifting sand. There are good days and bad, but most of us still hold out hope that marriage is in our futures. If there’s one thing we can all agree on, the single gal we were when we entered college is a far cry from the one we became in our twenties and thirties…”
The Evolution of Singleness in Your 20s and 30s :: A Guy’s Perspective in GIFs – “Not every Christian guy on the face of the Earth will be able to relate to every single one of these (pun intended), but we think it’s a fair assessment of the mind of a single guy. And remember, we’re not including middle or high school single life because…bro, you don’t even know. You don’t. even. know…”
What are your thoughts about the similarities and differences between singleness in your 20s and 30s? Share them below.