So maybe a date with yourself isn’t such a bad idea. I mean, to read what Brandon has to say about it, you’d think that there is nothing more freeing than reeking of curry while being able to sit in silence and catch up on the daily news. I’m jealous. Really, I am.
The difference between the male and female gender is a beautiful thing, you know.
While a rack of ribs will satisfy a brother, the female equivalent is vastly different. For starters, even committing to a solo date would be difficult for most of us. We’re more apt to call a girls’ night out instead. After all, we are the gender that can’t even go to the restroom alone, so the chances of us having dates with ourselves are very slim.
But it does happen occasionally. And when it does, it probably looks a little bit like this:
1) Attire. It’s good to know that we’re not the only ones obsessing in front of the mirror when a real date comes around. But while a guy is deciding which well-worn shirt he’s going to impress us with on the first date, our outfit will be brand new. Head to toe. Even our earrings. (Hint: Noticing and/or complimenting us will earn you favor.) However, if we’re on a date with ourselves, then we’re probably at home on our sofa in our favorite Old Navy pajama pants watching The Holiday for the twentieth time. Being presentable for public consumption takes time and effort, so if we’re really basking in our singleness, then we’re not fit to be seen by anyone.
2) Food. Unlike our male counterparts, we don’t need much protein when we’re flying solo. We need a Route 44 Sonic beverage of our choice, and we need carbs–lots of them. The more bleached flour, refined sugars, and high-fructose corn syrup in our foods on our date night the better. In fact, if we’ve passed out on the sofa in some sort of sugar coma at the end of the night, then we count it a successful “me date.” And like our guy friends, we’re also glad that no one is there to bear witness to our food choices and what it might potentially say about how we’ll cope when we’re in a marriage or, God forbid, how we’ll feed our children one day.
3) Conversation. While males revel in the silence that the solo date provides, we’re busy talking to the tv screen. We’re telling Miles to quit chasing Maggie and stay with Iris. And when he doesn’t, we throw some carbs at the tv and call him a fool. Toward the end of the movie, we can’t really talk or throw things or, well, even move anymore because the tears are steadily flowing down our cheeks when we see Graham and Amanda crawl into the sparkly tent with his daughters and we’re left wondering if we’ll ever find someone as wonderful
and as hot as him.
4) Entertainment. When we’re finished watching the first movie, we feel so emotionally vulnerable that the only thing left for us to do is watch Steel Magnolias. If we don’t get Jude Law or Jack Black (depending on our preference), then we need to be reminded of our sisterhood. All the while we’re thinking about how great it is that no one’s there making fun of our mascara streaks (if we’re even wearing it). We’re grateful that we didn’t have to craft a beautiful argument on the merits of watching a chick flick, we didn’t have to turn on the charm in order to get him to watch it, nor did we have to barter that our next five movies would involve blood and/or car crashes. We get to ride our emotional roller coaster in peace and quiet.
5) Hug/Kiss. At the end of the night, if the carbs haven’t rendered us immovable, we crawl into bed, hug our Pound Puppy, and sleep peacefully because we didn’t have to decide if the date merited a side hug or a full-frontal one. But most importantly, no one made us worry that our struggle to find the key to open our front door or some variation of 10% movement on our part meant that we wanted to be kissed.
*Photo credit: BLW Photography