Many singles harbor resentment towards married couples. The list of reasons is long and not universal to everyone, but it makes us sad that many singles think that if someone has a ring and said a vow, then they can’t really understand us.
That’s just not the case.
Sure, being friends with married couples looks a little different than being friends with other singles. Their family obligations mean they can’t stop, drop, and roll with us every time we get a whim to do so, but refusing seek out friendships with married couples because they’re married, is short-sighted and, well, ridiculous.
SingleRoots Writers Say…
For wise counsel, we asked some of our SingleRoots alumni writers to weigh in on the matter. Here’s what they had to say:
“Yes, but with a caveat: it’s not always an easy thing to do. Marriage has a way of shrinking social schedules that make scheduling time with husbands and wives difficult. However, if you are able to connect with one, do it. I used to worry about ‘still’ being single in my 30s with no prospects. Spending time with married guys helped me develop a healthier perspective.”
::W. Brandon Howard, author of Am I Right or Am I Right?
“I think we should intentionally seek out friendships regardless of marital status. We’ve all had friends get married. Should we not still be friends? Even if you start with all unmarried friends, if you are single long, they won’t all stay unmarried.”
::Justin Campbell, author of Am I the Best Me When I’m with My Family?
“I don’t intentionally seek out married friends. They just happen. I wouldn’t just limit myself by only getting involved in singles’ bible studies or singles’ events at church because there’s less opportunity for friendships with married couples to happen. They also naturally happen when all your single friends get married.”
::Stacy Conville, author of What If There’s No Expiration Date on My Singleness?
“I did as a single woman and benefitted greatly. Seeing married relationships up close gave me something to aspire to while simultaneously giving me a reality check that marriage is hard. I also sought counsel during my dating relationships and it was invaluable coming from married couples.”
::Brooke Corcoran, author of What a Difference a Decade Makes: Thoughts on Waiting for Your Spouse
Explore the Topic Further…
For further discussion on pursuing friendships with married couples, check out these posts:
7 Ways Married Couples Can Serve Singles in the Church – “So often the church segregates us. Sure, we want a strong base of single friends, but we want to be friends with everyone. If we were co-workers, you would probably be our friend regardless of our marital status, so why not be our friend at church, too? We want to learn more about marriage and children by watching you with yours.”
When I Get Married… – “I would go to dinner or hang out at a couple’s house, and I would make mental notes on the drive home that began with “When I get married…”. I would put that other couple’s relationships under the spotlight by thinking or saying, “When I get married, I’ll never do that, say that, act that way…””
My Community :: Why I’m Part of a Mixed Small Group – “To be honest, doing life with people who are just like me is boring. I love being part of a small group that has college students, married adults of all ages—some with kids, some without.”
Neither Here nor There: Finding Where I Belong – “I have to be open to friendships with people who aren’t quite like me. But don’t we all? Isn’t the idea of a perfect peer group a pipe dream?”