Question: “I’ve never actually been in a relationship. Many of my friends have been in multiple relationships, yet I’ve not had one. I know it doesn’t define my worth, but it’s hard to look at others and not think there’s something wrong with me.”
Your relationship status doesn’t define your worth. If it ever does, your future relationships are in jeopardy. There is nothing wrong with you. Thinking “I’m not worthy enough, good enough, deserving enough, good-looking enough, etc.,” is self-destructive. You may actually run off potential dates who pick-up on your negative spirit.
If you are a Christ follower, you are complete.
and in Him you have been made complete…” Colossians 2:10
This verse is spoken to all people, so you aren’t required to be in any kind of relationship—friendship, dating, or married—to be complete as far as God is concerned! Thinking that you do could result in your feeling empty, rejected, and depressed.
Since God isn’t putting pressure on you to be in a relationship, why don’t you take the pressure off of yourself?
If you haven’t already thought about this, try processing, understanding, and then embracing the idea of self-worth, not self-worship. Embracing self-worth is the realization that you have value as an individual person, and you have been made in God’s image (likeness).
And God created man in his own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:27
Begin incorporating this mindset about your singleness. It’s not a guarantee it will eliminate any inferiority complexes, but it will do serious damage to such negative thinking.
God’s Best for you is always right now, not yesterday or tomorrow. According Lamentations 3:23-24, “The faithful love of the Lord never ends! Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.” (NLT)
Possibly the most crucial concept you may need to embrace is that God’s best for you is always right now! It isn’t about daydreaming into the future wishing it were here. If you are always focusing on your past or future, you may miss what God is doing right now for you.
Some of you are saying, “Okay, I’ve got the theology. Can you give me any practical help?”
Just because you’ve never been in a relationship, don’t jump to the conclusion something is wrong with you. I’ve met men and women who were never in a relationship until they met the one they eventually married (ages ranged from 20’s-50’s).
Here are a few other things to think about:
1. Ask God what He may be trying to teach you in the midst of your singleness.
2. You may not be emotionally ready, which could cause you to be dependent and needy and create a co-dependent, dysfunctional, and ultimately destructive relationship.
3. God doesn’t want to compete for your affection with anyone.
4. God may be allowing you to see whom or what you love the most—Him or being in a relationship.
5. Maybe God wants you to determine if you will continue living for Him if you never get into a relationship. The question isn’t if God loves us, it is do we love Him?
6. Could it be that God isn’t holding out on you, but holding His best for you?
7. Could God see what you can’t—could it be God is protecting you from destructive relationships?
If you know someone who has never been in a relationship, will you email them this post to encourage them?
Photo credit: Helmut Alexander Oelker