• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

SingleRoots

You're more than your dating life

  • Conversations
    • Christian Singles and Life
    • Christian Singles and Sexuality
    • Christian Singles and The Church
    • Christian Singles and Online Dating
  • Resources
    • Resources for Christian Singles
    • Christian Singles Humor
    • Online Dating Tips
  • Dating Site Reviews
    • Best Christian Dating Sites in 2023
    • eharmony Review (Editor’s Choice)
    • Zoosk Review
    • Christian Mingle Review
    • Christian Cafe Review
  • About
  • Online Dating Deals

“Am I Too Basic?” Thoughts on the Identity of the ‘Christian Single Female’

Dorothy Camak

Latest

Dorothy Camak

I never learned how to sew my own dresses, and while I have a pretty extensive shoe collection, a pair of Chacos are not part of it. My first experience with Tolkien was joining some college friends for the midnight showing of the first installment of The Lord of the Rings series, and my idea of dressing up for the movie was wearing a cardigan and pearls. (Although, those elf gowns were pretty chic.)

“Am I Too Basic?” Thoughts on the Identity of the ‘Christian Single Female’

What’s more, I will never forget the reaction an acquaintance had when I asked, “Who is Beth Moore?” Had I committed some sort of blasphemy? Clearly, if there was a code for doing ‘Christian single female,’ I had not cracked it.

That is not to say that I did not try. I observed the female Christian culture of my college campus and gathered my data. I concluded I would mold myself into what I thought it looked like to be a ‘good’ follower of Christ. My assessment of good was based on a very scientific study of the outward appearance of all the pretty Christian girls with guitar playing boyfriends.

I reviewed my findings: monogrammed Bible covers, Francine Rivers book clubs, and a rather curious love of camping and zip lines. If I could become one of those girls, I believed, then God would accept me. Thankfully, I didn’t put up that fight long, and embraced the truth that my Nalgene bottle would more likely be filled with Diet Coke rather than electrolyte-enhanced water.

While I had come to terms with the fact that I may not have a future in camp counseling and repelling off rocks, I still was striving for something. Striving for the approval of others: friends, parents, boys, and pastors. Even more deeply, I was striving for the approval of God. I knew He had saved me in His amazing grace, and I even believe He loved me. What I did not believe is that He particularly liked me.

I enjoyed pop music over contemporary Christian and I preferred Live Red Carpet coverage over Sunday night theological debates. God must have thought I was a silly girl, and He definitely liked those other girls better. He must, I thought, because they had boyfriends who wore Chacos and played the guitar.

I read Paul’s letter to the church in Ephesus and for the first time, I began to see myself differently. “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (Ephesians 2:10)

Masterpiece. I like how the ESV translation calls us His ‘workmanship.’ He crafted me with His hands and I am His work of art. He created me in His image, so He must like me! Why was I so intent on adding to or altering His design?

For some time, I believed the lies that I had to “work my way up” to God liking me. I believed working my way up to this approval required meeting some criteria of a checklist I had created in my mind. A superficial list at best. What I learned though, is that this confusion and insecurity was not at all from God. When I began to let go of striving to be something other than the daughter He created, I was able to begin abiding in His love. A love that gives me my true identity, value, and worth.

I am still learning to let Him mold me, even though I still often want to take on the Potter role myself. It’s just the hipsters instead of the hippies that pull me towards striving instead of abiding. What I am finding, though, is when I let Him take control of reshaping me, I am left feeling much more whole and accepted than I could ever achieve on my own. It’s a beautiful freedom we have when we are secure in our identity in Him.

….but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2)”

So, my look may be ‘basic’ and my heels may be high, but along with my hippie and hipster sisters in Christ, we are all ‘fearfully and wonderfully made!’ (Psalm 139:14)

Filed Under: Relationships, Identity, SingleRoots, Spiritual Growth, Relationships Tagged With: Christian women, comparison, Identity, singleness, workmanship

Dorothy Camak

Dorothy Camak is a writer living in Greenville, South Carolina. She is admittedly addicted to Amazon Prime and loves when a package arrives at the bachelorette bungalow. Dorothy’s desire is to create conversations that connect us with God and each other. She is currently working on her first book and you can join the conversation at www.dorothycamak.com. Follow Dorothy on Twitter and Instagram: @DottieCamak.

Primary Sidebar

Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

Recent Posts in Life

  • Contentment in Unwanted Singleness: Marriage Can’t Fill the Ache

    Contentment in Unwanted Singleness: Marriage Can’t Fill the Ache

    5 years ago
  • The Struggle to Find My Place in the Church

    The Struggle to Find My Place in the Church

    5 years ago

Recent Posts in Sexuality

  • Contentment in Unwanted Singleness: Marriage Can’t Fill the Ache

    Contentment in Unwanted Singleness: Marriage Can’t Fill the Ache

    5 years ago
  • What Are You Dwelling On?

    What Are You Dwelling On?

    5 years ago

Recent Posts in Online Dating

  • Best Christian Dating Sites in 2023 :: Pick the Right One for You

    Best Christian Dating Sites in 2023 :: Pick the Right One for You

    4 years ago
  • Christian Mingle Review in 2023 :: Christian Singles Tell It Like It Is

    Christian Mingle Review in 2023 :: Christian Singles Tell It Like It Is

    5 years ago

See All 2023 Dating Site Rankings

eH high reseHarmony Special Offer stars
Read Review Visit eharmony
Zoosk stars
Read Review Visit Zoosk
Christian Mingle Logo high res stars
Read Review Visit ChristianMingle
christian cafe stars
Read Review Visit ChristianCafe
 

See All 2023 Dating Site Rankings

Join the singles conversation!

We won't spam your inbox with endless amounts of emails, but we will send you updates of the latest discussions taking place within the SingleRoots community.

Footer

Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

About

About Us

Write for Us

Contact Us

Disclosure

From time to time we will offer products through affiliate links. If you purchase an item through that link, SingleRoots will receive an affiliate commission. Just keeping it real. Gotta pay the bills, yo.

Looking for a post on a specific topic?

Copyright © 2023 · Showcase Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in