We’ll all readily admit that none of us are flawless in how we live out this lot in our lives. But most of us gather round these posts to read and converse because we believe it’s good to be introspective and to always be seeking ways to improve–not for the sake of legalism, but in order to live our lives to the fullest.

Since those of us on the SingleRoots team spend a large portion of our of time with singles in real life and within this online community, we’ve been able to spot some holes in the way we live our single lives, ourselves included. Of course, not every Christian who is single is lacking in all of these areas, but in our conversations, these are recurring themes. A little armchair observation, if you will, of the 5 things singles don’t have enough of. (Excuse our dangling preposition. Nothing else seemed to convey our thoughts on the matter so…succinctly.)

1. Savings

Some of us need to get serious about our financial stewardship. Whether it’s student loans or credit card debt, we can’t keep sticking our heads in the sand and hoping for a Sugar Daddy/Mama to come along and wipe our debts clean like it’s the Old Testament Year of Jubilee. We need to get to work attacking our mountain of debt and stop spending more than we’re earning. Whether we’re single or married, debt hangs around our necks like an albatross.

A good place to start is with a simple budget system, like YNAB (You Need a Budget). Beyond that, though, we need to tithe the money that’s been entrusted to us as well as build up our savings accounts.

Our friend, PT at PTMoney.com, says when it comes to emergency funds, if we have to ask if we have enough, we probably don’t. He offers some good tips on building an emergency fund so we can stay out of debt should an unexpected event occur, like a job loss or hospitalization or major home repairs.

 And while we’re on the topic of emergencies…

2. Emergency plans

What if something did happen to you? We know it’s a morbid thought, but still…what if? Does someone have (or know where they can locate) a spare key to your house if it has been days since anyone heard from you? What about the passwords to important accounts if you were to unexpectedly die? Have you marked emergency contact numbers in your cell phone?

Essentially what we’re asking is: Who will be alerted if you are hurt, and do they know what you want them to do should something happen?

If you can’t answer that question, you might need to work on your emergency plans. We’re not saying you need to give away the keys to your domestic kingdom and the rights to all that money you’ve been saving (see #1) to anyone and everyone, but it would be prudent for a parent, sibling or lifelong friend to know how to care for you in the event of an emergency.

3. Hard conversations

Let’s be honest, keeping things on the surface and talking about little more than dating (or lack thereof) when we’re single is a great temptation. It’s not easy to bare your soul to someone and trust that they will not forsake you or shame you for the things you’ve done that you aren’t proud of. But we would argue that it is much more imperative to have those hard conversations especially when you’re single.

Think about it: If you’re single with no roommate, there’s no one there to make you share your living space; consequently, there’s certainly no one there to get on your nerves and force you to deal with things in an amicable, Christ-exalting manner. There’s no one there to notice that you’ve been unhealthily texting an old boyfriend or girlfriend simply because you’re lonely or to remind you that all you do is come home from work and watch tv all night, every night. But more importantly, there’s no one there in those moments when you are tempted in the privacy of your own home.

The statistics on pornography are staggering. And let’s don’t be fooled into thinking pornography is solely a male issue, because it’s not. More men might struggle with it than women, but thanks to the use of computers and mobile devices, it is easy for both genders to get it for free whenever they want a fix.

Having the hard conversations, though, is not just about pornography. It’s about dying to ourselves–something that is increasingly more difficult when we live alone and have created a safe little environment where we don’t have to answer to anyone else. We need to find a safe place–be it a good friend or a mentor–who will allow us the freedom and the grace to share our shortcomings, but who won’t allow us to stay in sin. It’s one thing to have online communities for support, but we need people in real life who will walk the road with us. Those relationships don’t come naturally or easily, but they are vital.

4. Adventures

If you’re the kind of person who lives for adventure, climbs every mountain, and has an REI frequent shopper card, then this isn’t for you. Actually, yes, it still is. We often put our outdoorsy friends into the category of “adventurous.” We surmise that we’re not them, we’ll never be them, and we like life in flip-flops not Chacos, thankyouverymuch.

But we’re convinced we do the term “adventure” a disservice when we only allow it to define our Jeep-driving, well-tanned, granola-y friends.

While we’re single we have all kinds of opportunities, and, we may not say it, but we often wait to live our lives after we’ve exchanged wedding vows with someone. In the interim, we become so focused on finding a spouse that we forget to live in the moment.

Do you hate your job? Have you always wanted to go on an international mission trip–or, even just a trip? Have you always wanted to try salsa dancing or trace your family’s ancestry?

By the way, while some of us focus on dating way too much, there are a few of us who need some adventure when it comes to relationships. Some of us have wanted to take a risk and try out online dating, but for whatever reason fear or other excuses got in the way.

Whatever it is, we need to stop waiting and start living out some really cool adventures while we’re single. Marriage is much more fulfilling when it’s lived out between two people who are already fulfilled.

5. Optimism

We have a lot of conversations about singleness. Like, a lot. Even the married people ask us about singleness because, well, they know us and they know about this site and they have questions. It can get exhausting talking about singleness so much, and we know from our own lives it’s easy to sound like Eeyore when talking about a deeply personal unmet desire. We aren’t saying to sweep it under the rug, pretend you’re thrilled about it, and put on a happy face.

But then–and work with us on this–sometimes we do need someone to tell us just that: “Put on a happy face.”

Of course there’s a need for authenticity, but there’s also a need for us to be reminded that our lives are beautiful and God-given. When we forget that and start believing Jerry Maguire’s line about someone else completing us, then we need perspective. We aren’t saying there won’t be bad days, hard days, but some of our pity parties stick around far longer than they should.

We need a good dose of optimism, like a reminder that the Creator of this Earth also knitted each of us in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13). He is good (Psalm 100:5) and He withholds no good gifts from His children (Psalm 84:11). And regardless of whether we’re flying solo or covenanted to another, He has works He’s prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10).

What are other things you think single people don’t have enough of?

Photo credit: tanakawho

However, a few months down the road she still wasn’t feeling the relief she had hoped, so the doctor brought her in and prescribed twelve more sessions of therapy. During that time the doctor also met with her monthly to run blood work. He noticed that her counts weren’t at the level they should be, so he suggested that she go in and have a procedure done to check for infection.

Last Friday, she went in for her pre-op work and they noticed something irregular on her chest x-rays, specifically in her lungs. Did I mention this happened on a Friday, the worst possible day to get news like that because, lo and behold, we had to wait until Monday to find out more information? Today is Monday and as I’m typing this I am getting updates from my dad at the doctor’s office. Currently they are waiting on her CT scan to come back.

I share this with you because I am an only child. Moments like these make my singleness that much more palpable. I have no siblings. I have no husband. Thankfully both my parents are still living, but I have often thought about what I will do when something happens to one or both of them.

Who will be there to hold my hand, to let me cry on their shoulder, to help me make all the hard decisions that I know nothing about? I know the Lord calls me to not be afraid. I know that He will be there, but what about someone to physically stand beside me?

And then he reminds me with this:

This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You’re no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. God is building a home. He’s using us all—irrespective of how we got here—in what he is building. He used the apostles and prophets for the foundation. Now he’s using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. We see it taking shape day after day—a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home. (Ephesians 2:19-22, The Message)

I will be okay because my family goes beyond my mom and dad. Christ is my cornerstone and He has given me a community of believers that hems me in on all sides with prayer and words of encouragement.

Yes, it would be nice to have siblings to share the burden of aging parents and a husband to hold my hand when things are hard, but I have to trust that the community He’s using to surround me will stand in that gap and support me.

I just have to let them.

Photo credit: M Car

“You have trusted in your wickedness and have said, ‘No one sees me.’ Your wisdom and knowledge mislead you when you say to yourself, ‘I am, and there is none besides me.’” (Isaiah 47:10)

From Dear Dad…

I woke up this morning to this verse. I find myself wondering why I counted on myself and not God. I got scared and stopped trusting Him.

After I cried out to you and still had the dreams, I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry that I left you. I don’t want to handle things on my own anymore. Too many times I have trusted in my own wickedness. Too many times I have gotten caught up in my own desires and my own sin that I thought I was the only one who could see me. Forgive me.

We love to be in control, don’t we? (Stop shaking your head no, you know it’s the truth.) Being in control, or the perception thereof, seems safer.

I often find myself wanting to just do things myself because then I know they’ll get done and I don’t have to trust others to do it. I do this with God, too. Whether it’s with our jobs, our marriages, or even our nightmares, which was my case, we want to handle things our own way.

Can you remember a time when you thought you could do a better job than God in your current situation? How did that turn out for you? I can’t think of a time when my ideas were better than His.

As you read the above verse again, ask God to show you where in your life you’re trying to trust in yourself instead of Him.

Just a side note for you to picture what happened later that day: I had my therapy session in an RV. Yes, that really happened. Someone call Jeff Foxworthy.

Where in your life are you trusting in yourself too much?

Sundi Jo is an author and speaker. Her first book Dear Dad, a memoir of gritty redemption, offering hope to the broken, is available now. You can find her on Twitter and Facebook.

Photo credit: nimetimesthree

Again and again I’d get frustrated, as the results were perpetually far too general to be of any help. I know I’m strong in serving and weak in evangelizing just by observing my own instincts. My “eureka” moment came when I took three assessments—spiritual gifts, strengths, and personality—in rapid succession and was faced with a picture of myself that hit the nail on the head.

I realized that the gifts that God gives us go beyond the scope of our spiritual gifts.

Don’t get me wrong: knowing our spiritual gifts is highly important as they govern how we can use our practical gifts to serve God. My sister and I are both highly analytical, but her chief spiritual gift is teaching while mine is serving. We use the practical gift of analysis that God gave us in different ways that match our spiritual gifts.

I put a lot of value into knowing your skills, gifts, and personality traits. Personally, I got a much better idea of how to submit these gifts to God once I knew what they were, and consequently, I received back so much more in blessings.

God made us for His purpose. He receives glory and praise when we use our unique combination of abilities for His plan. Doing so draws us into His presence and we begin to feel the blessings of God. I’ve always viewed it as a simple, but difficult, act of obedience.

Often, we spend our lives developing these strengths for our own hopes and dreams. I was a Communications major. Many of my classmates wanted to win a Pulitzer or produce a nationally televised program. Sometimes obediently using our gifts for God might dictate that we sacrifice these dreams. God might decide that your place to serve is as a communications minister in a church. Not exactly the Today Show, huh?

Sometimes, obedience requires sacrifice.

I went into college wanting to become a sports writer. What else could be better than getting paid to go to sporting events and then talk about it in 500 words or less? Through college I tried three separate times to gain traction as a sports writer, whether through my own blog or someone else’s website. In each case, I ground out article after article for months to have my entire readership be one person, my mom. Needless to say I was discouraged and finally willing to give up on that dream.

About the same time I started to really grow spiritually and became more interested in following God’s plan for my life. A year and a half later I began a communications ministry internship. Between a ministry training class I was attending and my day-to-day work, I started to get the impulse to write. Not about anything in particular but just what came to mind. December saw the creation of my own blog. I didn’t care if anyone read it or how long it stuck. I just wanted a place where I could write about things God was putting on my heart. If not for that blog, I wouldn’t have made connections with many other wonderful blogs and, perhaps chiefly, I wouldn’t be writing this article.

In years of trying to use my talents for my own purposes, I gained nothing. In a couple of months of using it for God, I’ve enjoyed a blessing of success that I’ve never experienced before.

This blessing has allowed me to overcome a lot of doubt and fear I had about my ability to get a job in the writing field. I still don’t know what kind of job I want, but I do know that writing about where God is nudging me is something I don’t want to stop doing because that’s how it works.

When we give all of ourselves—our abilities, personality, skills, and even weaknesses—to God, He uses them in ways we couldn’t imagine or predict. And we get hooked on serving God however that service might look.

Things really clicked for me when I followed God in using the abilities He gave me. Have you ever experienced this?

Photo credit: illvp

If a guy is actively involved in online dating, then dating can get even costlier. Simply taking one girl out to dinner each week can mean budgeting an extra $120-200 a month, depending on where the dinners are. Granted, not every guy is taking one girl out per week, but there are some. And even if you’re not dating weekly, nearly everyone we know these days is looking for a way to save money.

So, how can you save money by planning dates on a budget, yet not appear cheap? Because we certainly don’t recommend using coupons or gift cards until you know her a little better. And it’s not like strolling over to the nearest Redbox is a good idea either—at least for the first few dates if you’ve met her online—because inviting her to your place might send off her internal creep detector.

We’ve been brainstorming to help the brothers out. Some of these affordable date ideas came from dates we’ve planned or participated in; others came from the creative minds of our friends. It’s not an exhaustive list, but it’s a good place to start.

1. Matinee :: Instead of going out at night and paying more money, take her to a weekend matinee instead. This works for both the movie theater and an arts theater. Tickets are less when the sun is still shining outside.

2. Zoo :: We have a friend who always took his second date to the zoo. His rationale was brilliant: the zoo was inexpensive and fun, plus it provided topics if the conversation was waning. He knew he would always have a good time, even if the date wasn’t going well. While he was dating online, he went so far as to buy two zoo season passes because it was more cost effective.

3. Coffee Shop :: If you’re meeting someone online for a first date, instead of shelling out $30+ for dinner, meet her at a coffee shop. If things go well, you can always shift the date to a restaurant or plan for your next meeting.

4. Happy Hour :: Along the same lines as the coffee shop, you can meet for drinks after work at a restaurant or bar. Hors d’oeurves are usually offered at cheaper prices then, too. Granted, if you meet at happy hour on a regular basis, she might figure out your frugal angle, but for a first meeting, it’s a perfectly fine affordable date idea.

5. Picnic :: Pack a lunch or pick up sandwiches at your favorite sandwich shop and take her to the park. Bring a Frisbee and your dog, if you have one. Don’t have one? Maybe it’s time to dog sit for a friend. Unless your date is allergic. Make sure you ask her about allergies, including food and animals. It seems like a silly question, but we’ve heard girls say they appreciated the thought behind that very question.

6. Double Date :: Do you have mutual friends? A double date or group date can be another way to save money. You can split the cost with another guy or group of guys.

7. Museum :: Museums often have a weekly day where admission is free. If you happen to go with your date on that day, well, it’s not your fault it’s free, now is it? But be prepared to deal with crowds, especially if there’s a special exhibit going on.

8. Concert in the Park :: Many city parks offer a free concert series in the summertime. Pack some lawn chairs or a blanket and a picnic or a bottle of wine and get to know your date in a romantic (and free) setting.

9. Outdoor Activity :: If you’re Sporty McSporterson, then this is an obvious choice for you when it comes to affordable date ideas. But if you’re not one who’s much for outdoor sports, this might be a fun idea for getting you out of your comfort zone. Many city parks are implementing disc golf courses, so that’s one possibility. Borrow bikes, guns, or fishing rods from a friend, throw a Frisbee, or learn a new sport together.

10. Volunteer :: If volunteering is your heart and much of what you do every week, then what better way to get to know someone than to minister alongside them? Set up an appointment at the local food bank or sign up to help with a block party at your church. Just be prepared that if you know other people involved, they’ll probably ask you questions later about your volunteer partner. Hey, if that’s fine with you, it’s fine with us. We’re just saying…

11. Farmer’s Market, Fair or Festival :: Check your city’s calendar. Are there any local events occurring? With the rise of farm-to-table foods, Farmer’s Markets seem to be popping up on weekend mornings in many towns. Strolling through one and checking out the produce, flowers, and locally-made foods can be fun and provide a lot of conversation about interests and likes/dislikes. No Farmer’s Market? What about the county fair or a festival? Who cares if it’s celebrating watermelons or Toad Suck Daze (Arkansas, smh.) as long as it provides an opportunity to get to know each other.

12. Breakfast :: When considering affordable date ideas, we couldn’t help but think about the fact that breakfast is just cheaper. Choose a local diner that specializes in the first meal of the day and visit over eggs and bacon instead of a 3-course dinner.

13. Ride Public Transportation :: While this isn’t a date idea, a sometimes fun way of getting to and from a date while still being frugal is to take public transportation—especially if you live in city where you don’t take public transportation all the time. For instance, in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, riding the Trinity Railway Express is a fun alternative to driving to Downtown Fort Worth or Dallas for a date. It’s just an added benefit that it saves you gas money.

14. Church :: Yes, we went there. Okay, maybe not the actual church service, but is there a conference going on at your church or hers one weekend? Or a concert? Seriously, it is a public place, and if she’s nervous about meeting an online date, then her anxiety might be quelled by hanging out in the House of the Lord. We know, you’re judging us for listing it, but we also know some of you have done it. And we’ve heard it can be a good date spot!

What are your affordable date ideas? Guys, do you date on a budget? What’s worked for you? Girls, what are some good yet cheap dates you’ve been on?

Photo credit: the queen of subtle